Connection and vulnerability

I helped my brother with his assignment about Brene Brown ‘s research of the co-relation between Connection and Vulnerability. I have watched her profound presentation of The Power Of Vulnerability on TED: Ideas Worth Sharing. I was touched by her performance and words. She is someone you feel like you can relate to. Her researching  was ongoing over a decade of the very topic inspires you to be a better human being. However, i struggled during the writing process. I had so many thoughts about this topic of vulnerability. Nevertheless, regard to the length of his required assignment, i couldn’t write my opinion, but to evaluate and analyze her presentation and its valid inputs. In another word, i need to embrace her instead of complement her.

I have to agree she is right about how vulnerability can touch and transform you and all the people around you. According to her, vulnerability consists of courage, compassion and connection. Courage isn’t the same with bravery; it is the heart, love and “grace under pressure”. (Ernest Hemingway). If you want to connect to people, you need to be seen, authentic and allow yourself to be vulnerable. Because you know that when people see you, they either have to accept you or reject you. You are willing to explore the unknown territory and let you touched by all human experiences. You go there to show people that yes, i am human and i am allowed to be flawed. You step into the water without a certainty if there is a shark beneath the surface. You just have to do it, because you will earn a great compassion for you. Without truly loving you, you can’t possibly love or connect to any other.

She was terrified when she discovered this truth. Or in her word: “breakdown”, but her therapist called it a “spiritual awakening”. The idea of being complete “exposed” to others seems terrified to many others, i assume, including your truly.  I don’t think i will be ever vulnerable to anyone. I won’t because it’s not who i am. But don’t get me wrong, i am touched by your vulnerability. The fundamental of vulnerability is beautiful, and humane. It brings you to a simplest consensus of our idea about being human: you are loved by being you; you don’t have to gain anyone’s approval to feel worthy; you are worthy because you are you. But such world is very idealistic; the reality is a different story.

Yes, i am vulnerable but you don’t get to see it, at least not in person. I have a pride of having such strong character and a great self-control. I am not used to express too much emotions on my face. I just think when you let your emotion get the best of you, you will disturb you and others. Emotions are contagious. You can be honest, authentic all you want but spread your negativity isn’t always a good approach. I see a lot of people use their vulnerability as a weapon to manipulate others and i just want to shake them: “hey, you don’t have to be so miserable. You just need to be a little less selfish and a little more concerned”. I think that when you identify with you emotional outbursts, you disrespect you and others. You can’t possibly connect to anyone if you are in that “vulnerable” state.  Everything has a balance and boundary. Don’t step over the line. Apply vulnerability wisely.

Connection to me is the ability to maintain that precise boundary, yet touch people by the depth of your soul.  I can not open to everybody, but a selected few. I can not jump into the water without being sure there is no shark. I can’t risk my life over something i am not certain if it’s worth my time and attention. Not every human relation is worth to be pursued. Connection and vulnerability is somehow co-related, but the bond isn’t extraordinary. True connection when you less focus on you, or the others. You just stop looking for what is perfect and what not in your relationships. When you think too much, you negate the growth of your bonding. You just do what you feel is right and let it be natural. Connection to me is beyond ordinary which my words can’t describe. It happens when you don’t have to do anything, but  the look in their eyes will tell you their world. Visually, subtly, vividly, in any form. You merge into one another and you just know. There, you don’t have to be vulnerable. You don’t have to fear of rejection. Because connection is about love, and acceptance. You need to ask you first, to allow you for this connection. Well, if you are certain for its worth. go for it.