When things seem so close, yet so far…

Yesterday I thought about what I wrote in my last post and I came to this amazing realization: “Oh, the diary looks crappy not just because of its crappy material. But mostly it was old. I wrote it since ’94”  Mind you, I was really tired after 12 hours of constant work. Yesterday was really strange too. My mind split in half: one for work and the other one kept thinking about something else. Then I was wondering how old my diary is, 10 years? Oh, no, almost 20 years. I was shocked! I have been keeping it for almost 2 decades. Can you just believe it? It is in acceptably good shape and I am quite proud. I have a habit of throwing things out a lot; however, I keep sentiment stuff with me for the longest amount of time.

As I started to realize how old I am 😛 quite shocking huh? I thought about a few of different things aside. Let say I am fortunate to live up to 60 years of age (sometimes it can be more or less). Then I used almost half or 3/4 of my time on Earth. This discovery brought some sensations to my being. I don’t have much time left here. May I have a moment of silence and sighing out loud! Let’s just ignore the potential development of science in its researching and prosperity in the near future and its possibility to give back to the society a cure to lengthen our time in this planet. Maybe it will happen, maybe not. But for now, we talk about the fact that I have been spending half of my life. What will happen in the last half?


You know, I hear a lot of people keep saying how their lives are such a blur and how things from years ago seem to occur just like yesterday. Yes, it is true. Sometimes, it can feel that way to me too. But if you really think about it, a lot of things can happen in just a year. Just relax, sit down and count them through, you will be surprised of how many things you have encountered in the course of your life. Sometimes, time seems to fly surreal fast; however, the events are not – they are real and they stay with you a long time after. The notion of time is mystical to me and I won’t go into details about it. I will let ones with more understanding and knowledge discuss and tell you in a more proper way.


As I went through all of my experiences, I wondered how many more occurrences will happen. Will they have the dramatic effects like my previous ones and alter my life all together? Once again, I can’t predict what has yet happened. An assumption may or may not be true. But I know for a fact that in the next 10 years, I will not have what it takes to do what I do now. How many times you can pick yourself up after a destruction? How much more strength you will have left to push through struggles and challenges? Everything comes with such limitation. My vitality will be omitted some day. I can’t live in my 20s for forever. There will be days when I want to do what I want, yet I don’t have the ability to pursue it anymore. Call it physical, mental block, or anything. When you pass that certain stage of your life, a dream will forever remains a dream. I am not denying the fact that there are people achieving success in their later years. However, not everyone is the same. You are perhaps not them.

I am aware of the fact that this post is a little bit mellow 😛 I will talk more about it in some other day when my mind isn’t overly occupied with work and all the likes. Well, that’s it for today.